Understanding Engineers

Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

Understanding Engineers – Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers – Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello, George! what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent for a moment. The the priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers – Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

should i gag now or later..

The San Isidro Experience
June 13,2006
Chris Ardis

One of the best things about writing a weekly column is the opportunity to hear from readers. A perfect example of this is Carlos Guerra.

Carlos first e-mailed me a couple of years ago after reading one of my columns. Shortly thereafter, he invited me to La Muñeca, his ranch in Linn. Anyone who knows Carlos, knows he and his wife, Sister, are all about kids.

Since that first visit, Carlos has kept in contact and has invited me to various events at the ranch. His children are grown now. His first grandchild is only weeks old and he and Sister are expecting their second grandchild in a few months. But several times throughout the year, you will find many other young people at La Muñeca for fun and educational agricultural events.

Recently, Carlos contacted me to see if I would sit on a scholarship interview panel at San Isidro High School. Believe it or not, although I have lived in the Valley for 23 years, this was my first “San Isidro experience.

we made it

Patti actually pulled it off. I think i spent most of the day yesterday recovering but we made it. It was a beautifull ceremony. I was shocked at how well everything turned out. Alot of people were crying though. I hope that’s a good thing. I enjoyed getting to spend time with Jimmy and Carla’s family. Now it’s monday and back to life as normal. Not quiet sure what we’re going to do with ourselves now. Oh yeah, we have Marshall’s video. that’s our new project.

fathers day

it’s not easy to see this written on phosphorus screen of my blog, read by no more than seven people, but i have not always appreciated my father. when i was young and was spending time at home, dad was working. when i was getting involved with student council, uil, tmsca, and just about any other extracurricular activity i could find, he was working. dad was always working. it’s amazing what growing up can do for you. today, more than words can express, i love, admire and appreciate my dad. for better or worse, and in more ways than a 700-word commentary can handle, i have become my father. i look like him, i walk like him, and, not surprisingly, i work like him.
the late German actress Marlene Dietrich once said, “a king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. a father can do neither. if only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.

Yesterday

I could have done without yesterday. It was tough. There were two big fiber cuts in our area. One of which disconnected our CO from the branch exchange. Bassicaly meaning that the office had no communication outside of the city of weslaco. No network, no outside phones, no isdn, no voicetracks, no remote callins, no cell phones. so i spent the morning swithing everything over to a backup system. it was rough. We had a staff meeting last night. much ado about nothing of consequence really. life will go on i guess. as always. whether i’m there or not.. whether other people are there or not, life will go on.

Big Love

Well, last night was the final episode of Big Love. I was telling Patti, it like, you start to almost find youself really liking these people and having sympathy for them. You start to fall in love with the family(s) your happy for Margine. You glad she’s stood up for helf and had herself baptized. You start to like Nicki better. The way she stood up to Barb’s sister. And how could you not like Barb. Although… she was getting after Bill for wanting to join the leadership committe because that was too up in the public but now being mother of the year, she would be a public figure herself. but after what happened last night, i guess that won’t be an issue now. I won’t ruin it for you. You can see for youself.