Homestar Podcast!

I was just sitting here minding my own bussiness when i noticed that homestar runner has podcast on his website! With most of my favorites on there.. Such as “Sisters” Everyone has a podcast. I even have podcast setup on 104’s website. You can listen to war of the roses and “the call” I went to the mailbox today. Patti sent me the coolest suprise. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve been stuck at a remote location trying to fix some electronic component and can’t find something to set dip switches with. or trying to take the cover off a pc with torx screws on it.. Or stuck in an elevator some where and decided to clean my fingernails. Or just saw through the doors. Thank you Patti! I love you.

The CyberTool 41 Features:
Large Blade
Small Blade
Bit Wrench
Bit Case
5mm Hex Socket
4mm Hex Socket
#8 Torx Bit
#10 Torx Bit
#15 Torx Bit
#2 Phillips Head Bit
4mm Hex Bit
4mm Flat Head
#0 Pozidrive Bit
#1 Pozidrive Bit
Ball Point Pen
DIP Switch Setter (use pen)
Can Opener
3mm Small Screwdriver
Bottle Opener
6mm Large Screwdriver
Wire Stripper
Reamer
Sewing Eye
Corkscrew
Mini Screwdriver
Straight Pin
Key Ring
Toothpick
Tweezers
Pliers
Wire Cutter
Wire Crimper
Scissors
Hook
Metal Saw and
File
Nail File and
Cleaner
Wood saw
Fine screwdriver
Wood Chisel

The sad thing is that #25 is right!

RAISING BOYS

A) For those who have grown children – this is totally Hysterical!
B) For those who have children past this age, this is Hilarious.
C) For those who have children this age, this is not Funny.
D) For those who have children nearing this age, this Is a warning.
E) For those who have not yet had children, this is Birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I’ve learned from my Boys (honest and not Kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults In a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the Motor is not Strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman Underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. Room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a Long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a Baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh Oh”, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint Rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject “PB & J” sandwiches even Though TV Commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when Driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor Is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not Make Earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

pilots and mechanics

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident to date

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
 

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
 

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
 

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Best “Out of Office” Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged ?5.99 for the first ten words and ?1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.. When I return, please refer to me as ‘ Margaret ‘ instead of ‘Steve’.

Who has time to compile this stuff?????

1 . Money isn’t made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton..
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a “tittle”.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The ‘spot’ on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark’s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named ‘upper’ and ‘lower’ because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case’ letters were s tored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, ‘lower case’ letters.
17. Leonardo DA Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa’s lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was a Captain Kirk’s mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19.  You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It’s the same with apples!
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart .. “Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she’s behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.”

Psycho kitty terrorizes Connecticut neighbors

 

Town orders house arrest on ‘Lewis’ after he ambushed the Avon lady

 

Updated: 9:43 a.m. ET March 29, 2006

FAIRFIELD, Conn. – Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town’s animal control officer.

“He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw,” Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. “They are formidable weapons.”

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.

Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Solveira also arrested the cat’s owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

buda say…

Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan,
where they are written in Haiku. Aren’t these better than “your computer
has performed an illegal operation”?
………………………………………………..
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
——————————————–
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
———————————————–
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
————————————————
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
————————————————-
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
————————————————-
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
——————————————-
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
————————————————-
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
————————————————-
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
————————————————-
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
————————————————-
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
————————————————
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
————————————————-
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind.
Both are blank.–