Dear IRS,

Dear IRS:

Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2,400) and six hammers (value$1,029), bringing my total remitted to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 as a donation for PETA, as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one 1.5″ Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5″ Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.