• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Remember, half the people you know are below average
• He who laughs last thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm — but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
• Support bacteria — They’re the only culture some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• How many of you believe in psychokinesis? OK, now raise my hand.
• So what’s the speed of dark?